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Many years ago I was in a powerful medicine ceremony. There were 40 women in the circle from all over the world. The medicine was hitting hard. An inordinate stillness in the room, that crystalline dissonance that happens when ‘the medicine’ presents itself in a commanding, dismantling wash of energy that cannot be ignored. In this particular situation the medicine I am speaking of is ayahuasca and not just any aya but a medicine that I consider one of my most powerful teachers, who continues to appear to me in a physical embodied form, with a voice that is unmistakable, a voice that cannot be ignored. Many of us called her Madrecita, black ayahuasca, wild crafted in the jungle of Peru, so thick you could chew it.
I am sure some of you are trembling (or gagging) right now.
I learned this term, the medicine is making a strong presentation, from a good friend, a powerful ayahuascera from Columbia. We were talking about a crazy night, where everyone was rolling on the floor moaning together, at the same time, where everyone was getting well (purging) at the same time, where, although it is hard to say what people are experiencing precisely, it appears to be a collective experience, a ripple effect, something that takes over the entire temple or malloca as one organism, that we are all praying together with our bodies, souls & minds. It is unmistakable in its difference from other ceremonies where people are popping off right & left individually in no (apparent) cohesiveness.
My experience at these times is that I am highly awake & also paralyzed, like a night terror or intense lucid dream. There is a filter of extreme light over everything, so strong it causes everything and everyone to appear to move in slow motion. The pressure is excruciating as if it is impossible to live, to breath, as if you are underwater. And yet it is so precious, it is as if this precise moment is the reason you have chosen to be alive.
In this particular ceremony that I am remembering, I saw the women in the room kneeling in prayer, in rows, row after row after row, bowing their heads. They were humble and yet very focused and aware of their role, their job, the power of their presence. It felt as if it was a battlefield, it felt as if there were many dead & dying, it felt as if this was it, the end of the world.
In the sky I saw the words Aadays Tisai Aadays, a Gurmukhi mantra that means the primal one, the one without beginning or end, throughout all the ages, forever & ever.
I was not afraid. I had the awareness that it was not happening at that moment. I knew it was prophecy. It is hard to know with these experiences what exactly the quantum mise en scene was, if it was a meta experience going on in our collective consciousness or if it was a physical reality coming through but, at that moment, I knew I was chosen & I felt in my bones that I needed to do whatever I could to get ready,
It was in another ceremony later that year {we are talking 2013 I believe}, one with a different medicine & from a different indigenous tradition, that one of the elders stood up as we were concluding & said “I know you are used to a more individual experience, one with a beginning, middle & end & some of you may still be having this experience, but something that we are finding more & more common is that these ceremonies are continuous, they do not finish together or neatly but are part of a larger prayer, one that will continue for many, many years, one that we all have a piece of, one that we will steward & bring back to fit together at this time on earth.”
I share this with all of you today because this is the feeling I have had in the last month. That we are now, all of us, in the field together. I am not diminishing any of the horrible physical pain & suffering that is happening AT THIS VERY MOMENT. I will say the words: Ceasefire Now. Free Palestine Now. They are important, but I also feel the importance of saying that now & for the coming future we are all at the table. I am here to support you in whatever way I can, to create the stamina & self love to hold that place steady and firm, as much as you are able at any one time.
This is a no-comparison, no-judgment zone. Stay close. I love you. More to come.